Late night (funny shit)

Late night (funny shit)

Deleted Member

Sep 20, 07 at 05:46am
Late Night

In his new video Osama bin Laden makes a pitch to America by attacking
the Democrats and then saying we should all join Islam because there are
no taxes. He’s now running third in Iowa.
~Jay Leno

In Tennessee, Democratic State Rep. Rob Briley, the chair of the
Judiciary Committee, got drunk, fled the scene of an accident, and led
police on a 100 mph chase. When the cops pulled the guns on him, he
demanded to finish his drink. He’s now been charged with impersonating a
Hollywood celebrity.
~Jay Leno

Earlier today, in the big Iraq report, Gen. Petraeus said troops can
start coming home next summer. I believe his exact words were, “And then
it’s Hillary’s mess.”
~David Letterman

Several Jewish groups are upset because President bush issued Rosh
Hashana greetings over a week early. They’re saying Bush doesn’t know
when Rosh Hashana is. Bush says he’ll make up for the mistake by sending
them all something nice for Christmas.
~Conan O’Brien

More details coming out about Britney Spears' performance at the MTV
Awards. Sources at MTV say that Britney Spears showed up for the
rehearsal of her song three hours late with a frozen margarita in her
hand. Britney defended herself by saying the frozen margarita wasn’t for
her, it was for her kids.
~Conan O’Brien

They say that Britney Spears is already working on her next career move.
Trying to come back from her comeback.
~Jay Leno

I understand this whole situation has made Britney Spears kids very
nervous. Because of the way her performance went the other night, the
kids are afraid that she might quit show business and become a full time
~Jay Leno

"In China, a group of workers who make toys for Disney say they are
forced to work 28 days a month, and up to 15 hours a day. A spokesman
for the Chinese factory said, “Look — these toys aren’t going to
lead-paint themselves.”
~Conan O’Brien

Last week prison guards had to use tear gas to break up prison riots in
New Jersey. When the tear gas didn’t work, the guards sprayed the
prisoners with New Jersey air.
~Conan O’Brien

How about this Chinese lead paint on toys? The have finally agreed to
ban the use of lead paint on toys. However, they will continue to use it
on sweet and sour chicken.
~David Letterman

The name of Rosie O’Donnell’s new book is, “Take the Pound Cake.”
~David Letterman

Bill Clinton is promoting his new book. In an interview, Former
President Bill Clinton says although most people don’t know it, Hillary
has the best laugh. Bill added, “I get to hear it every time she pushes
me down the stairs.”
~Conan O’Brien

Yesterday was Conception Day in Russia, where Russians were encouraged
to have sex in order to increase their population. In the spirit of
international cooperation, America sent Charlie Sheen.
~Conan O’Brien