Sure Signs That You've Had a Bad First Date...
- Not only is she a little young, but you're sure that you used to date her mother.
- You find out her real name is Vinnie, and you used to play little league with her.
- She has a thicker moustache than you.
- When you go to pick her up, her lawyer meets you at the door with a contract describing your duties and restrictions.
- You jokingly ask her if she wants to go down to Atlantic City and get married.
...She then informs you that leaving the state is a violation of her parole.
- Her bra and panties are wired to an alarm system.
- You walk away from her front door with the roses you got her shoved up your ass.
- You are the first guy that she's gone out with that isn't her cousin.
- At the end of the night she gives you a coupon that is good for a free shot of penicillin at the nearest clinic.
- She beats the crap out of some guy for making fun of your hair cut.
- You wake up the next morning with a wicked hang-over.
...In the bed next to you is Janet Reno.
- At the end of the night, you drop her off at her house, and her pimp is waiting there with your bill.
- You wake up to find your loins covered with purple and green spots, with an intense itching in your left thigh.
- She keeps staring at you all through dinner, then finally asks if you want to meet Satan.
- She is better hung than you.
- She informs you that you can't go out again because her boyfriend doesn't like you.
- She constantly complains that her cat won't stop laughing at her.
- She informs you that you can't go out again because her spirit guide doesn't like you.